I do so like ice and snow

As soon as March rolls around I automatically switch from enjoying the snow, ice, sledding, and shoveling, to looking forward to yard work, morning walks, shorts, t-shirts, swimming, and tulips. I stop wearing my big coat and hat and gloves. I open the curtains and invite Spring to come on in.

Then I freeze to death. I shut the curtains, pull out my hat and gloves from the back of the closet, and I grab my big purple zero degree coat. The roads are still crowded with snow and the mornings are too cold to walk anyway. Today the sun has been sunny all day and our thermostat reads 68 though it's set at 58. So it is warm in here. The problem though is that all the sun streaming in illuminates the dust all over the place. Don't tell. It fascinates Peleh and he waves his hands in the sun beams.




From the mouth of our babe:
Mama: *Gasp!* Peleh, what is this??
Peleh: Color wall.
Mama: Where do you color?
Peleh: Paper.
Mama: What are we going to do about this?
Peleh: Rub it.

Peleh is so sweet and wants to be a good and helpful boy. I walked by his new easel and was very surprised to see a rather nice work of art ON THE WALL. We talked about it and with earnest answers Peleh explained that he's supposed to color only on paper and we should rub the wall to take care of the mess. We haven't cleaned it yet and I'm not sure the crayon will come off.

snow... the great de-motivator!

Fridays are Pie Day around here when in the old days, we would make and eat a pie in celebration of the luxurious Saturday Sleep In. The Old days. Now it's celebration of a weekend with Daddy!! After a few weeks of making and finishing a pie between the two of us, in two days we dropped the pie but kept the name and the excitement. Lately Pie Day has been sort of anticlimactic though because our tired old routine misses the pie. Fridays are also a drag for me because I don't usually plan anything and always wish I had. I guess I plan things earlier in the week because I'm excited to do things and see people. My biggest disappointment is that the library closes on Fridays (lack of funds) which would be a perfect Friday outing. Plus today it has been snowing and without any plans I didn't even get dressed until Peleh fell asleep, and I did for a few minutes, at 2pm. Uuughh.

So now I am going to challenge myself to create a celebration for tonight's Pie Day. No pie though, which adds to the challenge. For one I really don't enjoy making the crust, and for two Peleh has the runs. We'll have a feast of rice, bananas, potatoes and toast. Poor guy. I'm not sure what's going on but his nose started running today too. He's been feeling fine other than periodically writhing on the floor whining "belly hurts" until he toots then he's fine. And as it turns out, the runs are a major set back in toilet training. And you know, the word on the street is that as soon as he's potty trained we'll try to add another little diaper darling to the mix!

What did we do??

Sometimes Noah and I look at each other with wide eyes and gravely ask, what did we do? We laugh at this little boy climbing onto the couch and sliding head first onto the dog, or pillow, or just the floor. "Ma, Daddy! Ma, Daddy!" and as soon as we look he's in the air with his Mardi Gras beads flying and rattling around him. He's a good jumper. I always remind him to bend his knees. Lately his favorite game is to slide halfway down head first and throw a hand back and look up at us from over his shoulder, calling "help me up".

Last weekend for Valentine's Day Noah's sister kept Peleh for part of the day so we could go out. We got the truck finally registered with Pennsylvania so as soon as we get it inspected we'll be totally legit'. We also went out to eat. When we talk on the phone during Noah's commutes or if we have a change in person we love making plans. I love having something(s) to look forward to. We talked about another baby: not yet. We talked about our hopes to move into Pittsburgh to a more flavorful neighborhood and lifestyle and our time line for searching and finding a neighborhood and home. It came to our attention that we'll probably need to have Peleh enrolled in a preschool by this time next year. We paused, looked at each other with wide eyes and both thought, "what did we do? This is serious." Noah said of course he'll want to very best so we'll have to save for tuition to Montesorri or one of the university early childhood education programs, research options and neighborhoods, school districts... And the next obvious logical point of discussion was when and where Peleh would go to college. What type and which high schools in the area would prepare him properly. We talked about academics versus 'real world' experience, education and exposure through travel and service learning. My heart started racing. Maybe that's why my blood pressure was really high when I stuck my arm in that machine at the pharmacy later that afternoon. I have the tendency towards inertia with a strong hope for the best. Sometimes I cringe but hope that Peleh didn't break a leg, or his head as I watch him tumble or crash.

I sort of just want to go ahead and make plans... good plans, but maybe not worry about being completely responsible with interviews with principals, and cross referencing community groups' mission statements. I'm okay with rushing in to help when things don't go perfectly. If only it were as easy as producing an engaging, polite and well fed son.

What a busy weekend! So busy that it's already Friday. We had planned to spend last weekend in Saxonburg to celebrate Peleh's birthday early because Grapes (sounded like Grams to Peleh) and Papa are away this weekend. On Friday we knew the forecast was for snow but hadn't decided for sure to head out that night or the next afternoon. In fact we had plans to be in this area on Saturday at noon. So around 4 or so I was in the thick of making sugar cookies with a sink full of dirty dishes, toys all over the house, dirty diapers needing to be washed... nothing packed. And it had started to snow and as the weather information updated Noah called and suggested we hit the road as soon as possible.

I have a hard time not finishing a task (not so with a project) before I start another so I was very proud of myself for leaving the cookie cutters out on the counter, though I did put the dough in the fridge. I did wash the dishes too. But then I ran upstairs and downstairs like a crazy woman collecting things in bags. I packed clothes for hanging out at the house, church, Noah's soccer clothes, and his work clothes for Monday morning. I remembered everyone's socks and underwear and pjs. I gathered snow pants, jackets, hats, boots, gaiters, hats, mittens. I packed Peleh frozen birthday cake, from Nathan's wedding, sugar for icing, decorating sprinkles and such, Peleh's whole milk, bibs, my hairdryer, I forgot Noah's shaving equipment, toothbrushes, slippers. I unplugged the space heater and the tv/cable/internet. I left the front porch light on which burned out and I still need to replace. I fed the cat. I packed our extra warm blanket too. I loaded everything into the pickup and got Peleh strapped in. I left it running and ran up to the front door to get the mail. I said hi to our neighbor who was shoveling her driveway. It was 5:27 and Peleh was loaded and ready to go and our neighbor began scolding at me about someone calling the city to report her for causing the ice on the road in front of our house. She was very upset and needed someone to vent to. She wasn't angry at us, just angry. Oh well. It wasn't all her fault anyway.

We got on the road and with some direction from Noah about the 4 wheel drive and other driving tips we slid onto the road and hit the 4-Hi button. We did just fine in the 4WD until I took a wrong turn and ended up in a neighborhood. I turned again to try to go around a block to get out so I wouldn't have to pull into and back out of a driveway. I ended up taking us down a pretty steep hill and even in 2nd gear Lo I stood on the brake and was afraid we'd end up in a living room. We were fine but as I turned the wrong way and went back around the same block I had the chance to practice again. I took it at zero mph and it was perfect. I took the correct turn and got back on track. That hill was practice for the hill coming down to Noah's parents' house. We pulled in 2 hours after we left our house, it usually takes an hour and 10 minutes. I ordered up a shot and a wine cooler.

We relaxed, shoveled snow, watched movies and tv, ate lots of food and I assembled and decorated Peleh's birthday cake. It was a lot of fun to do! I watched a video on betty crocker dot com about how to make a train cake. It was basically helpful with tips to refrigerate the cake before hand, and to slather on the icing very generously. Thankfully Momma Shaltes had lots of candies in her cupboards and I put candied pineapples, red hots from Jess, gummy fruit snacks, mint chocolate chips, and candied cherries on the train cars as cargo. Peleh particularly enjoyed the candied cherries and not so much the cake. It was fun!

Peleh and I stayed an extra night to take Grapes and Papa to the airport on Tuesday. On Monday night we got to go to their church to help Grapes with 'packing night' for the food bank. It was very impressive and smoothly completed. Two groups came in from local supporting churches and they packed 185 paper grocery bags with all kinds of dry goods, and a plastic bag with frozen food. The bags weigh about 20 pounds and will help about 100 families get through for the month. I began to think maybe that is something that Peleh and I can do 'together'. Peleh spent the evening with Papa and Aunt Patty in the nursery of the church. We could come out and help pack or help on the distribution night when ladies from the church prepare a meal for all the families and volunteers help load the groceries into the families' cars.

Now we're back home shoveling and doing laundry, alternately, as needed.

Just chugging along

I always tell people "nothing new, we're just chugging along" or something like that when I'm asked what I've been up to. But what does that mean? What do we do all day, ever day? When Christina 'stayed home' with her boys in Colstrip I really wondered, I was baffled, as to what they could possibly do all day long. Then Peleh came along with his agenda and it became clear.

Now a days Peleh gets up around 7:30 when the sun brightens his window. He grabs his blanket and sucker (pacifier) and comes into bed with me. Sometimes he grabs a book too and if it's light enough we read it, otherwise I toss it somewhere on the bed. Without getting out of bed, or even really sitting up I take Peleh under his arms and lift him over me and plop him on Noah's pillow. Noah is at work already. I tuck Peleh in and we sleep more or he climbs around and jumps on me, brings toys up and drives trucks on my head, or climbs onto Deseo's bed with her. Lately he's been playing a game where he gets his face so close that we almost touch noses and when I open my eyes he cracks up. He taps his chin with thumb and first two fingers and says 'eat, eat.' At that I get up.

While I go to the bathroom and brush my teeth Peleh whines 'eat, eat'. We go downstairs and let the dog out, feed the cat, put Peleh in his seat at the table or he sits on the counter while I get breakfast ready. He loves cereal, French toast, fruit, bagels/English muffins, scrambled eggs, fried eggs, waffles and pancakes, but usually asks for a sandwich.

Then Peleh plays! The dog is back inside and Peleh chases her, drives trucks up and down her back, throws her ball down the basement stairs and tells her 'get it', unloads his bin of stuffed animals, dumps out legos, builds trains, pushes the talk button on Manny the Disney fix-it [fisk-it] guy or we get dressed for a walk.

Peleh loves wearing his snow boots and can't stand it when his mittens are not tucked into his coat sleeve, all the way around. We walk to the park but when the playground is covered in ice or snow we keep going up to the train tracks. While we wait for a train we stomp around in the mud while, if nobody else is around, Deseo chases squirrels. We throw sticks and snowballs. If the terrain is even Peleh loves to run and can keep me at a really fast walk/ really slow jog for 1/4 mile. We wave to the train then say goodbye to the train, 'see you later, in a minute!' and also to the track.

We head home. If we've driven to a further away park Peleh keeps me updated on whether or not we're going 'up up up' or 'down down down'. Sometimes we drive on 'steep hills' and 'stop'. We pass lots of trucks, sometimes ones that look like 'Daddy's truck!'. Once at home we get lunch ready, eat and play for a little bit longer. Then between 1 and 2 Peleh either goes upstairs himself and digs up his blanket and sucker from the pillow we buried them under. Or he gets impatient with everything and I suggest he pick out some books. We lay in bed and read one to six books then sing songs. I love it when he falls asleep during the books but it's usually after I've sung 3 or 4 songs and am bored, or have fallen asleep myself.

One point five to two hours later Peleh is usually awoken by the dogs barking next door. If he's not ready to be awake he cries all the way down the stairs with his blanket and sucker. If he's rested he comes down alone with wide eyes looking for a truck or train.

We play, color, paint, bake, wash the dishes, throw Deseo's ball, dance, watch trains or other tv, eat, tidy, cook, read, and/or fold laundry until Noah gets home. Then we continue with Daddy until bed time and do the nap routine plus 'brush teeth'.

Begin again.

Last night Peleh was playing with puzzles right before bed. We have one of a teddy bear in three parts, heads, shirts, and bottoms, that have different outfits and emotions on the faces. Peleh decided the bear needed a drink of juice. His milk was right there so she had some milk then he cuddled her little happy head. A few minutes later when it was time to go to bed he gave the happy head a kiss, and the sad head, and the sleeping head, and the surprised head, and the other happy head. And his dump truck, and the big truck. Then Daddy.


We flavor our days with trips to the zoo or museums, or to meet Noah for a meal, music class, playdates with friends, shopping, and errands.

It's a lot easier and probably far less tedious for my listeners for me to say "we're just chugging along."

Homesick for Colstrip... ???!

We arrived long term in Colstrip in the middle of May, the 13th. They had had a 12 inch snow storm around the 10th but by the time we pulled into town there were only about 8 inches left, and it was gone within a few days. We enjoyed the exciting beginning of an adventure, a few weeks of spring and then the hot, dry summer hit. The vast openness of the prairie overwhelmed me, the 2 hour time difference from home, "back east", began to feel like a barrier to my few friends and very close family. I was homesick for the familiar.
I began to admire the landscape and its unique beauty. In the fall, as I drove and rode, sometimes multiple times a day, along 212 and 90, as an EMT with the ambulance service, I missed the changing colors (and the trees altogether). Then I noticed the grasses along the highways were changing colors. They were red, purple, and greens. The shrubs and few cottonwoods were orange and gold. It wasn't so desolate and barren, there was color. And most of my 'beauty' memories include snow and ice. I think I liked that so much because it makes even the sagebrush shine.

We loved camping and hiking in the Bighorns, Beartooth Pass, Yellowstone, the Tetons, and Glacier. Renting the fire lookout, mountain biking, Christmas tree poaching in Custer Forest. Trips to Denver, Bozeman, Billings... not so exciting, but more so than Forsyth where we could
get Hong Kong Buffet!

I had good friends and really fun times at work. I enjoyed what I did and who i got to work with.

I loved and miss the adventure of being in Montana, and beginning to feel like we belonged.

Last week I finally changed my license plates and am now officially a Pennsylvanian. I feel less adventurous. The truck still has (expired) MT plates, so until I get that done, I can still pretend I'm more exciting than suburban mom.

I've been spending some time on facebook and checking in on conversations between women in Colstrip and it makes me feel left out. I like to think that if I were back there I might be exchanging ideas about programming at CPRD, or making playdates, and just general friendly comments between neighbors and friends. I remind myself though that I lived there for four years, had built-in friends at work, and still felt lonely. I've been in PA for not a year, have no social interactions that I don't have to create, and generally have spent a good part of most days staying quiet in the house for naps.

That being said, Peleh and I have made a nice little bunch of friends with neighbors and classmates at our weekly Kindermusik classes. Someone said that Moms meeting other Moms is like dating. And it is. I check women out all the time - how old are her kids, is she about my age, does she dress, or otherwise seem to like/value the same things as me - I try to start conversations with hopes to get her phone number and a date! It's a humbling and lonesome process but I'm enjoying what I think and hope is the downhill.

I still feel like I don't have a very big community to which I belong - just a handfull of friends - I do have them and I plan to meet more people. So it's not Colstrip that I long for, it's feeling at home, somewhere that I belong. Maybe that's not normal though. Maybe for anyone who doesn't live where they grew up, feeling at home is too much to expect.

Haiti is breaking my heart

I try not to think about the babies and children who are hurt, scared, hungry, thirsty and getting sicker and sicker. And the mommas and daddies who are too injured to help, or just don't know what to do, or are lost or gone in some form or another.

I want to do something and am struggling to find what it is I can do. I first thought up a plan to coordinate a group of construction professionals who could come together across the Pittsburgh region to unite, design a project, tap into financial resources of their employers, and then travel to Haiti to build it. They could cooperate with an organization already on the ground which could supply language and logistical help. But I don't think it's fair of me to expect those people to do something that I think would be cool. They already have so much on their plates and such sparse spare time. And do I really have the time to create an excellent service organization?

Then I heard about the orphans that two young women from Pittsburgh were caring for in Haiti; and with help from a US congressman and the governor, had flown into Pittsburgh. We could care for a child, temporarily... or permanently. But we're not registered with the state to provide a home and the house needs just too much work. Besides, we don't live in a county that that organization serves, I checked.

I texted $10 to the red cross [the word "Haiti" to the number 90999] but that is not at all the extent of what I think I can do. I'm not a doctor or nurse. I can't design or lead construction projects. I don't really have any career skills to offer. I think I do a good job of being a Mom and I think I could do that but that's not a decision I can make by myself.

Would it be fair for me to leave Peleh for days on end with grandparents so that I can care for a different child? Surely I hope that we're raising a man who would understand that another child needed a momma, even for a few days, while Peleh would be just fine. But he's not a man yet... and maybe I'm too afraid he would be fine without me! And what about Noah? I have a house and home that I make happen here.

This feeling of wanting to do something has been a long time building. Since we started this new suburban-stay-at-home-mom life near Pittsburgh, nine months ago, I have been searching for a way to help people. I signed up to be an adult literacy tutor but that was postponed until the spring. I've been looking for a church home with a servant ministry program. I jot down websites and organizations every time I hear about something that Peleh and I might possibly be able to do together. I have continually found programs that are either not happening right now, are not really close enough, or just won't work with a toddler. And it breaks my heart every time I have to tell myself 'maybe next time'. I'm just not convinced that my whole contribution to the world is a polite, engaging, and well fed son.

I read an editorial that suggests, from a pool of research, that people get similar satisfaction from giving, as from sex and eating. And on every service project I've been a part of the conversation comes up: wouldn't it be more cost effective to have just donated the money I spent on transportation and food, to local workers? Well... in most cases, no... but the point is that the experience of the participants is just as much part of the outcome as the tangible service done.

I'll keep looking, and brainstorming, and hoping for my chance to love and sweat for the benefit of others. And in the mean time I do have a house and home to make happen and I can at least endeavor to do that excellently.